this was going to be a comment on your last post pat, but it kinda just drew itself out to this:
i think that it's who i am at this point. though im not sure what i did or what i did to myself to deserve being miserable. i do try to have a sense of humor about how much life sucks sometimes.
i dont always mean to be an emotionless, amoral bastard. that's just something i can't help. something ive gotten used to. i come to points where i loathe what i am now. like extremely loathe it. like deathwish loathing.
i honestly miss being happy. i think that's what we're meant to do with our lives. find the thing the thing that makes us the happiest. i know what would make me happy again. but i know it's not mine to have. i can't help but think that there are some people who just aren't meant to be happy. and their jobs are to keep the pain and suffering away from everyone else. it just doesn't seem right.
i feel so broken and worthless right now. it'd be great to let it all go, but i know i won't. i don't know what i'm paying for to be like this, but i feel this way anyway. love took it away once, but it just hurt even more when it took a plunge six feet down without me even realizing it. maybe i blame myself for it. i don't know. am i rambling? no, i guess not, it's all connected.
ive done a lot of thinking about this. about my life. it's only the beginning for me. there's still time to be happy, still time to plunge another six feet.
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6 comments:
yeah broken harts suck. it just takes a ton of time to get over it and it's still never the same. y'll learn something when it's all over and you'll look back.
Whenever I look at you, Henry, I just get so sad for you. I don't know what goes on inside your head and I can't pretend to understand you, but I know what it feels like to be rejected, and I know what it feels like to be sad.
I really, really don't want you to be sad. Really. A lot. If there is anything I can ever do, tell me. It's not fair if you have to live like that. I don't want to let that happen.
yeah i don't think this rly needs to be said, but we're here fr yuo if yuo need.
henry sometimes you feel shitty. i sometimes do. but i usually try to look on the bright side of things. that's just me.
for instance, i am in an all boy's and am lonely sometimes. however! i just spoke to some grl from lv and she cheered me up and we are friends now!
but dude srsly SYKE LIFE IS AWESOME. you just have to look at things in a different way. or some cool shit has to happen to you and you snap.
thinking or concentrating on one thing for too long is never ever good. so try to change things up. talk to different people. rearrange yr room like cc did. learn an instrument. pick up a hobby. LIFE IS YRS TO DOMINATE.
one of my favorite lyrics:
SYKE life is awesome
UNDER BRIGHT LIGHTS THE IRIS CONTRACT
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