Why do you cry when you know how the story ends? How can you laugh when it hurts your friends? We've all been there once, but you've never laughed.

Well school is practically over. No more tests, homework, or annoying teachers' voices, cough mahoski cough. But now that schools over, I'm not sure what I'm going to do with myself. I liked school because I could see people there. Now it's summer and I'm going to be either working, or at home and I won't get to see the people I normally see. I've become better friends with people and made new ones, I don't want to lose them over the summer.

I have a feeling that the days I'm not working, there's going to be band practice, where so far I haven't done shit except sit around listening to the "Henry's gay" song. I've realized that Nick and John can't take anything seriously. That and I sometimes take things too seriously. I feel kind of left out of the band. Like everyone would help each other out in making the guitar parts and stuff, but I end up just getting "forgotten" on the side.

I'm going to miss a lot of people. I think I'm going to keep coming back to that again and again. I want to be able to see everyone at once again. A big group of all my friends where we can just talk, laugh and enjoy ourselves without making an idiot out of people. Thought that kind of humor seems to run through most of my friends. I don't understand that. John and Nick do that to Mike all the time. At least Pat says he's trying to stop. And I'm just so much fun to tease and make fun of because I don't try to get revenge on anyone. I'll just stand there and take it. Is it something where they're making up for their own shortcomings? Is seeing the dejected look on someone's face really worth the laughter?

What fits my mood right now is a line from "A Moment of Silence" by Streetlight Manifesto:
How long do you think you can go before you lose it all?
Before they call your bluff and watch you fall?
I don't know, but I like to think I had control
At some point, but I let it go and lost my soul.

I don't know whether I'm sane or not. I don't know if I'm in control. What I do know is that I'm feeling alone and I've seen most of the people at school yesterday during the english final. I don't know if the friends I have respect me. It feels like I have to redefine a lot of things here. And it's so ironic that I just pulled myself out of a, metaphorically speaking, addiction to a drug. There's always going to be something. There may be a light at the end up a dark tunnel, but from where I'm standing, it's very far off. I can't seem to be happy for long enough. I never thought I'd actually say this, but I need to be around people. Not just a small group of friends, but I mean like some big group where we can sit around, or play some game, and blast music that we can poorly sing along too. I'm pretty much describing my time at relay for life I just realized. Oh man, that was fun.

It's just like him
To wander off in the evergreen forest
Slowly searching
For any signs of the ones he used to love
He say's he's got nothing left to live for
(He say's he's got nothing left)

But this time I think you'll know
You're not alone
There is more to this I know
You can make it out
You will live to tell

You guys are mad boring.

Go Veg!

The "Free Hugs" Song

I don't mind where you come from
As long as you come to me
I don't like illusions I can't see
Them clearly

I don't care no I wouldn't dare
To fix the twist in you
You've shown me eventually
What you'll do

I don't mind...
I don't care...
As long as you're here

Go ahead tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

Hours slide and days go by
Till you decide to come
And in between it always seems too long
All of a sudden

And I have the skill, yeah I have the will
To breathe you in while I can
However long you stay
Is all that I am

I don't mind...
I don't care...
As long as you're here

Go ahead tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's always the same

Wrong or right
Black or white
If I close my eyes
It's all the same

In my life
The compromise
I close my eyes
It's all the same

Go ahead say it you're leaving
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

I would love to put this little girl in my mouth and ingest her as a meal.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8266518622315644048&q=the+landlord&hl=en

guys come over right now and dance to this song with me

well it would have been, could have been worse than you would ever know, oh the dashboard's melted, but we still have the radio

well we talked about nowhere, well that sounds like some place i'd like to go

Okay, here go some thoughts:

I can't kill this stupid spider
I have a math test tomorrow i should be studying for, instead I'm playing metroid fusion, stupid me
dashboard (the song) reminds me to be greatful for what i still have (could've been should've been worse than you would ever know)
my sister keeps taking my phone out of my room
i end up not seeing it for days
that's not so bad, i don't always feel like answering the phone
i suck at clipping my finger nails
i'm always under the impression that everything (including fingernails) has to be just right
my eyes feel kind weird after playing video games for two hours
nick got glasses, they took some getting used to
i've been dying the reach you by saosin just played in my head for no apparent reason
i listened to my ipod today from 1st to 6th period without feeling bad about it
i found out that i missed 4 gym classes
i'm pretty sure i didn't miss any
gym isn't included in your overall average anyway
mr wilson's retiring this year i heard
i won't miss him
im chewing a toothpick
there's a problem with the sky tonight
it's that feeling where you feel like somethings a bit off
we've been wondering where you are
i don't know about 'we' but i know i have
wally and veronica kissed in front of people in the hallway because they asked them to
i've now lost any respect for them
i used to think 'hey at least wally could get a girl'
but they also caved into societal pressure,
there's a problem with the sky tonight
i've been dying to reach you
but your extention cord wouldn't reach that far
i think i might've given up on her, pat
not just her, just any chance of trying to be friends
either that or ive come to the realization that it was in 8th grade, and we probably would've been under public scrutiny just as much as wally and veronica
i don't want that, never
sometimes i want to get drunk for the hell of it
i haven't yet
superman's dead by our lady peace sometimes depresses me
i think it's about like, there's nobody to save us from ourselves and something i can't think of the word for, 'fitting in,' 'impressing yourself and friends,' 'how you see yourself.'
"do you worried you're not liked?
how long til you break?
you're happy cause you smile,
but how much can you fake?
an ordinary boy, and ordinary name
but ordinary's just not good enough today"
i had to look up the lyrics for this
i still have a clay ball from this year's caumsett trip
perhaps it's fitting that i remind you all that it's 'this year's'
we probably went there last year, and the year before that, and that and that and that
society sucks, don't try to impress it
you can't have everyone like you
there's comfort in friends
i feel distant from my parents
and my sister
i feel like such an ass to my sister
i can't help it
i seriously can't
you self-centered, self-pitying, amoral, stoic bastard
you are a vacuous soldier of the thrift store gestapo!
just kidding on that last part
i hate wearing clothes with logos
i think i need new bands to listen to
i feel bad for mike
he's got all this shit to deal with in his life
the best line from beerfest was "what now headfuck?"
i have 25 cents left on my itunes gift card
shit
nothing makes sense
so i won't think about it
you can't just not think about something
it will come back to you
for me i fall asleep and wake up thinking about things i just want to avoid
according to noel, cc and ana, i am straight/socially awkward
nick's gay/socially awkward
nicole southerd thinks i'm cute
she actually has a locker next to me
except i have a bottom and she has a top
sophia is so annoying with her top locker right above mine
i get pressed in and cannot turn my head without getting a face/ear full of her crotch
not pleasant
i think alana's on my side with this one
or is it amber?
she can't get to her locker cause i have my door all the way open to give myself the extra room i need to keep at least some of my personal space
my locker door covers her locker door and she has to always say, "excuse me"
at least she's nice about it
divided am i
inside and out
but all the time just a stranger to myself
dripping faucet- catch 22
does anyone know i have a collection of penguins?
i still have my stuffed barney back from when i would drool and chew on anything
i still have the tv remote control i used to teeth on
the company's name is zenith
i don't know if they're around anymore
i wouldn't be surprised if i still had the tv somewhere too.
all of this is pretty much any thought that's coming to my mind as i try to write this
pat said i needed to make a garage post about what i was thinking
this is it
couple more things then ill study
even though sophia and nicole are pretty much the same height, i would gladly have nicole have the top locker above me.
i bet that sounds completely out of character for me
haha, i say that as if ive been acting
i hope not
has anyone done that to me?
probably
i've done it a couple times
im not good at acting though
i can't sing either
my name is yon yonson
i live in wisonsin
i work in a lumber mill there
and the people i meet
as i walk down the street
as what my name is, so i tell them,
"my name is yon yonson,
i live in wisconsin..."
that was from slaughterhouse 5
good book
vonnegut
too bad he died
something about he fell and broke a hip
that really sucks
i hope i don't die like that
i always imagine that i'd fight to my last breath
though i think "fight" and "run" might be the same thing for me
fight or flight instincts
adrenaline
glands above the kidneys
adrenal glands
mother lifting car to save child
adrenaline rush
holy shit she lifted a car
maybe it was a volkswagon
beetle
or beatle
oh hey i get it
the 'beat'les
i bet you're all shocked at me
i'm not surprised
i hope nick gets ungrounded soon so we can have another party at his house
im working for his dad over the summer
hooray
this was fun
but there's still a problem with the sky tonight
don't know where you're going
but i know where you've been
something something something
here i come again
led zeppelin?
run run sweet baby, lord how ther hypnotize
soul of a woman was created for love
dazed and confused, there we go
i think it is
right
so here's to me to you to us to everything before it fell apart
all i can do is walk away, all you're doing is walking away, here's to me to you to us to everything before it fell apart and we're walking, walking walking away
i can't stop feeling as im walking away and i could never understand the things you'd say as we're walking walking walking away
that song seems too cheerful for the lyrics
wow
what's the song, "i walk a lonely road...my shadow's the only one who walks beside me..." i don't know the words "i walk these empty streets..." "i walk alone..."
i have that song in my head when i walk in the hallways sometimes
because that's how it feels sometimes
there's people all around you, but you're still by yourself
it wasn't always like that
it wasn't ever always like that
just sometimes
but once you have something and it's taken away, you want it more
that sounds strangely like something ive heard before
that tv show that pat brought to nick's house
something about some team who'd never won a game, and the coach is like "well once they do win, and lose again, they'll want it more the next time."
something like that
it was a cartoon
some kid with red hair and what i remember as feety pajamas
there was some girl too
the boy video taped the girl's grandpa talking in his sleep once
i think i remember that
i know i didn't just make that up off the top of my head
if i don't force myself to stop writing
ill be doing this for the rest of the night
im just talking aimlessly
kinda like what i've been doing in world history for the past 2 days
im going to go before i go any further discussing this

does this make up for my overdue posting?
will you want me to post again?
ever?
wow i'm starting again.

i am no hero, oh, that's for sure

but i do know one thing:

where you are is where i belong
i do know where you go is where i want to be

HEY, it's yr FUNERAL, MAMA

the SKY is blue, the GRASS is brown
my head is BURIED inside this helmet
and the ever present THREAT of parasites
so TAKE MY HAND, let's get these motors running!

so you DRIIIIIVE red (you drive red)
and i'll DRIIIIVE black (i'll drive black)
(we'll see who's machine was recently serviced)
we'll slit these rows of goodyears like a knife

we don't fear, we don't fear, we don't fear, we don't fear, we don't fear THESE MACHIIIIIIIIINES

i got the scoop, i got the scoop
and it doesn't look SO GOOD, so good for you

so you DRIIIIIVE red (you drive red)
and i'll DRIIIIIIVE black (i'll drive black)
(we'll see who's machine was recently serviced)
we'll CUT these rows of goodyears like a KNIFE
like a knife, like a knife, yeah
we'll cut this row of GOODYEARS like a knife

so you drive red (you drive red)
and I'll drive black (i'll drive black)
(we'll see who's machine was recently serviced)
we'll cut this row of goodyears like a knife.

i'll pull you close...

...and then we'll say goodbye

Celebrating the Best Song in the World, in the Best Album in the World, by the Best Band in the World

And so she wakes upin time to break down
She left a note up on the dresser
and she's right on time
You don't know anythingright or wrong
I said I knowand she said so
I wanna panic
but I've had it so I go
You don't owe anything to anyone
But don't take your life'cause it's all that you've got
You'd be better off just up and leaving
if you don't think they will stop
And when you wake up
everything is gonna be fine
I guarantee that you wake in a better place
in a better time
So you're tired of living
feel like you might give in
well don't
it's not your time

Looking through the paper today
looking for a specific page
Don't wanna find her full name followed by dates
because when i left her alone
she made a sound, like a moan
"You're known by everyone for everything you've done"
Fuck buying flowers for graves
I'd rather buy you a one way non-stop
to anywherefind anyone
do anything
forget and start again, love
She said she won't go
(and that's that)
It hurts too much to stand by
you've got to stop and draw a line
Everyone here has to choose a side tonight
the moment of truth is haunting you
Don't forget your familyregardless what you choose to do
You can't decide
and they're screaming "why won't you?"
I'll start the engine but I can't take this ride for you
I'll draw your bath and I'll load your gun
but I hope so bad that you bathe and hunt

Annie's tired of forgetting about today
and always planning for tomorrow (tomorrow)
Tomorrow and she says, "The saddest day I came across was
when I learned that life goes on without me" (without me)
Without me and she says, "If everyone has someone else,
then I ain't got nobody's love to save me" (save me)
Save me, and she says "I think I'll pass away tonight,
'cause it seems I'll never get it right, it's just me" (just reality)

And when you wake upeverything is gonna be fine
Guarantee that you wake in a better place
in a better timeSo you're tired of living
feel like you might give in
well don't
It's not your time

Annie says she wouldn't mind
if they never find a cure for all her problems (her problems)
Problems and she says, as long as she has someone near to make it clear
she does not need to solve them (solve them)
Solve them and she says, "oh, this loneliness is killing me,
it's filling me with anger and resentment (resentment)
Resentment and she says, "I'm turning into someone that I never thought I'd have to be again"

And when you wake upeverything is gonna be fine
Guarantee that you wake up in a better place
in a better time
So you're tired of living
feel like you might give in
well don't
It's not your time

Annie's tired of forgetting about today
and always planning for tomorrow
Tommorow and she says, "The saddest day i came acrosss was
when I learned that life goes on without me"
Without me and she says, "If everyone has someone else,
then I ain't got nobody's love to save me"
Save me and she says, "I think I'll pass away tonight,
'cause it seems I'll never get it right, it's just me" (just reality)

And when you wake up
everything is going to be fine
I guarantee that you wake in a better place
and in a better timeSo you're tired of living
and you feel like you might give in
well don't
It's not your time

And even if it was so
I wouldn't let you go
you could run run run run but I will follow close
Someday you will say "that's it, that's all"
but I'll be waiting there with open arms to break your fall
I know that you think that you're on your own
but just know that I'm here
and I'll lead you home
if you let me
She said "forget me"
but I can't

YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A LUNATIC.

My first order of business is to figger out why the tabs at the top of the page that say things like "Create a Blog" or "Sign In" or "Create a Post" are in Swedish.

My second order of business is to congratulate anybody who has read this or is reading this or ever will read this on any awards they won at the Young Authors' Conference. Good on you, folks.

My third order of business is to describe. What I am about to describe is ironic, to me. Last night, I was thinking to myself, "Wow. I think I'm totally over everything. It's been so long since I cut, or cried to myself for no reason at all, or stayed awake all night with my mouth hanging open, staring at the ceiling, feeling nothing. Or felt overwhelmed with depression. Or, you know, had any reason to think I'm bipolar. It must have just been a weird time of my life." And then my mind and body responded this afternoon, "GUESS AGAIN, MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

So. I spent three hours today crying AND I DON'T KNOW WHY. The littlest thing set me off. I was getting ready to go to the art show in the Fire Island lighthouse (which I ended up skipping, unfortunately), and I've been saying this a lot lately, but, really, I have no clothes to wear. I don't look good in anything I have. I wear the same things over and over. I've lost interest in my clothes, and recently I've really wanted to be more creative. It seems the harder I try, the less creative I am. So I was getting ready to go, I had no clothes, my hair looked TERRIBLE, Steve was in the downstairs bathroom so I couldn't get a nail clipper, Mom was in the upstairs bathroom so I could do my hair and maybe boost my self-esteem. So I started getting frusterated, a little bit.

And then I cryed. For three hours. And gave myself a migraine. And envied Donnie Darko, who had pills to control his fucked-up-ed-ness.

And Mom, of course, flipped a shit. She's like, "Tell me what's wrong. (I told her I didn't know, nothing was wrong, because I didn't, and nothing was.) Oh, it's Number Two (she numbers my moods, the fucking bitch). Number Two without any warning. You're such a lunatic. You're such a freak. If you have no idea why you're so upset, we have to go get emergency help."

Her calling me a lunatic and a freak made me feel really awesome. It helped so much. More than fucking Prozac.

Yeah. I guessed again, motherfucker.

This sucks. Again.

FUCK.

AOTD: 4/13/07 - Mika - Life in Cartoon Motion

Life in Cartoon Motion

“Life in Cartoon Motion” is the debut album of a Lebanese singer, Mika. He grew up in a musical family and took opera lessons. Other stuff happened? He refuses to respond to any questions about his sexual orientation, but I think his music says it all. He’s very flamboyant and giddy. He uses falsetto a lot which is amazing. Love that. He sounds a bit like Elton John and a lot like Freddie Mercury. People title him “this generation’s Freddie Mercury” but I think that’s just plain dumb. “Big Girl [You Are Beautiful]” reminds me a lot of “Fat Bottomed Girl” by Queen. So yeah.

I really like “Love Today” and that’s about all that stands out for me at the moment. I’ve only just downloaded it. Figured it was time for another Album of the Day. Enjoy!

(I was going to show the track listing too, but I think it’s messed up…)

[This is ripped from another forum I post at, but I figured you guys who don't already have the album may want to have it, too.]

pretty pictures you've got there, henry

http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/books/04/12/obit.vonnegut/index.html


Kurt Vonnegut has died at the age of 84

Mika

If you want to hear an amazing artist and catch a glimpse of our generation's Freddy Mercury, check out Mika's debut album "Life in Cartoon Motion." My favorite songs on it are "Grace Kelly," "Billy Brown," "Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)," "Happy Ending," and just about every other song on the album.

SERIOUSLY. He's pretty much my new best friend. It's AWESOME.

Run away from the stench in the trenches!

I've been thinking for the past couple of weeks about how weird it is that we don't consider parts of our body ourselves. We'll say, "Ow, my foot hurts." But your foot is YOU. You ARE your foot. So you should really say, "Ow, I hurt."

Does anybody get me?

"I hate my thighs" is "I hate myself."

Oh, my. I just realized I could use this to my advantage. Instead of saying "My _________," I'll say "me" or "I." So the next time I complain about my appearance, instead of saying, "Damn, my hair sucks today," I'll say, "I suck today." BECAUSE I DON'T SUCK. AND I DON'T HATE MYSELF. SO I'LL STOP SAYING THOSE THINGS.

Hey, I think it's a smart idea.

Getting Off My Chest, The Story Ends

I'm this post because:
1. I'm bored
2. We need a new post
3. I haven't seen half the people in the Garage since last friday

How's everyone's vacation going? Mines alright. I earned about 60 bucks working for nick's dad for a day. It feels good to earn some money. I got a haircut today. It's a bit shorter than usual, though john couldn't really tell i had got one. I also got new clothes. My sister was supposed to be shopping for a dress for the family easter party. I got a couple pairs of jeans, two shirts and two jackets. That's what I'm wearing for the easter party on sunday. Screw the dressing up. I got a couple books too. This book called Lamb by Christopher Moore. Pretty funny. Doesn't beat down on Jesus much, but that doesn't stop it from being funny. I played guitar hero 2 at pat's house. that was fun. I found a keyboard in my attic. First chance I'm not feeling lazy, I'll start practicing it. I uninstalled World of Warcraft because I think I may have messed up on 3 tests and a project because of it. I beat Freedom Fighters in 6 hours. I wish they made a second one, it would've been pretty good. I've just come to realize that the phrase "out of sight, out of mind" is total bullshit. I played football on monday. We played for 2 hours, tied scores, and I ended up sore for the next 3 days. I started playing Fable. Looking forward to Fable 2. Also Assassin's Creed looks awesome (who wouldn't want a dagger in replace of their ring finger?). Mass Effect and Halo 3 have been long awaited for.

I'm listening to Seven Years by Saosin right now. I'm looping it. It's starting to have meaning to
me. Saosin is a really good band. The lead singer knows how to put his emotions into music. The guitar is also pretty cool sounding. The lyrics in most of their songs mean something to me, that's usually all I really care about. That and the guy has a decent singing voice. The rest let's you sink into the music. Like almost feel like the music is tugging you back and forth through an emotionally deep realm. I'm gonna go get dragged around by them some more. Someone else should tell a bit about their vacation to keep this blog/forum going.

swimming ferrets

swimming ferrets

Ew. Scroll down to the bottom and look at the pictures.

http://bayvilleblog.com/2007/03/18/the-birches-nomination-submitted.aspx?360a1dd8

magic the gathering

have you ever played magic cards?

well i want to get back into playing magic. anyone is more than welcome to join in, i can teach you and tell you what decks to look into. it's a game like pokemon where you have a deck of cards and you battle an opponent. there's a lot of strategy involved and it's one of the better games i've played in my life.

mike and nick are going to hopefully get back to playing with me, and i want to try to convince john to jump in.

henry and cc, wanna play?

Animal Activists are crazy...no offense CC

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/worldnews.html?in_article_id=443343&in_page_id=1811&ico=Homepage&icl=TabModule&icc=picbox&ct=5

dload this song if you want to change your life

http://www.gigasize.com/get.php/550236/03_Big_Country.mp3



this song changes my life every time i listen to it

so guys, i was thinking

we should all get together and go for a bike ride one of these days. maybe when the weather is a little bit warmer. i feel like biking to cool places around bayville. and who better to share great times with than my interweb friends?


but yeah. you have to wear at least a helmet because safety is important. bring water. and maybe we can prepare lunches and have a picnic on the library front lawn. who knows! maybe we'll play a little tag!

i think this is a good idea. all in favor: aye!

So he aimed a shotgun into the blue, placed his face inbetween the two and sighed: HERE'S TO LIFE

I'm supposed to be at a cast party right now. Instead, I'm at home writing this up. My dad wouldn't let me go. Because he wouldn't feel responsible letting me go. I didn't argue. I have no control over my life. I guess to him working my ass off for some play for a month doesn't deserve one party to relax. I can't argue with my dad. I get scared of him. He can get angry easily and it's scary. I hope I find it in me sometime to say what I'm thinking.

I want to do something, but there's nothing to do around here. Just World of Warcraft. I'm tired of that game. It's the only thing I do at home.

I'm going to eat something, and watch tv. One way or another, I'm staying up. I don't give a damn right now.

Gun In Hand

I'm so excited. I think I have a crush. Does that mean I'm over him? Because it still hurt when I saw him the other day.

Plucky plucky

She sat on the hillside and strummed her guitar, strummed her guitar, strummed her guitar. She sat on the hillside and strummed her guitar, strummed her guitar. Mmm, plucky plucky, mmm, plucky plucky, mmm pluck pluck pluck. Mmm, plucky plucky, mmm, plucky plucky, mmm pluck pluck pluck.

He sat down beside her and puffed his cigar, puffed his cigar, puffed his cigar. He sat down beside her and puffed his cigar, puffed his cigar. Mmm, plucky plucky, mmm, plucky plucky, mmm pluck pluck pluck. Mmm, plucky plucky, mmm, plucky plucky, mmm pluck pluck pluck.

He told her he loved her but oh! how he lied, oh! how he lied, oh! how he lied. He told her he loved her but oh! how he lied, oh! how he lied. Mmm, plucky plucky, mmm, plucky plucky, mmm pluck pluck pluck. Mmm, plucky plucky, mmm, plucky plucky, mmm pluck pluck pluck.

They were to be married but she went and died, she went and died, she went and died. They were to be married but she went and died, she went and died. Mmm, plucky plucky, mmm, plucky plucky, mmm pluck pluck pluck. Mmm, plucky plucky, mmm, plucky plucky, mmm pluck pluck pluck.

He stood by her gravestone and laughed 'til he cried, laughed 'til he cried, laughed 'til he cried. He stood by her gravestone and laughed 'til he cried, laughed 'til he cried. Mmm, plucky plucky, mmm, plucky plucky, mmm pluck pluck pluck. Mmm, plucky plucky, mmm, plucky plucky, mmm pluck pluck pluck.

The gravestone fell over and squished flat he died, squished flat he died, squished flat he died. The gravestone fell over and squished flat he died, squished flat he died. Mmm, plucky plucky, mmm, plucky plucky, mmm pluck pluck pluck. Mmm, plucky plucky, mmm, plucky plucky, mmm pluck pluck pluck.

She went up above him and fluttered and flied, fluttered and flied, fluttered and flied. She went up above him and fluttered and flied, fluttered and flied. Mmm, plucky plucky, mmm, plucky plucky, mmm pluck pluck pluck. Mmm, plucky plucky, mmm, plucky plucky, mmm pluck pluck pluck.

He went down below her and sizzled and fried, sizzled and fried, sizzled and friend. He went down below her and sizzled and fried, sizzled and fried. Mmm, plucky plucky, mmm, plucky plucky, mmm pluck pluck pluck. Mmm, plucky plucky, mmm, plucky plucky, mmm pluck pluck pluck.

thisonegoesouttothefriendsineverhad

after checking out the myspace scene with the band's website and joining facebook at the request of some lv people i know, i still think the garage reigns supreme and this group of friends is the one i want to keep

ZAK AND SARA

Sara spelled without an 'h' was getting bored
On a Peavea amp in 1984
While Zak without a 'c' tried out some new guitars
Playing Sara-with-no-h's favourite song

(La da da da, la da da, la da da)
(La da da da, la da da, la da da)

Zak and Sara

Often Sara would have spells where she lost time
She saw the future, she heard voices from inside
The kind of voices she would soon learn to deny
Because at home they got her smacked

(La da da da, la da da, la da da)
(La da da da, la da da, la da da)

Zak and Sara
Zak and Sara

Zak called his dad about layaway plans
And Sara told the friendly salesman that:
"You'll all die in your cars,
And why's it gotta be dark?
And you're all working in a submarine"

(Asshole)

She saw the lights, she saw the pale English face
Some strange machines repeating beats and thumping bass
Visions of pills that put you in a loving trance
That make it possible for all white boys to dance
And when Zak finished Sara's song, Sara clapped

(La da da da, la da da, la da da)
(La da da da, la da da, la da da)

Zak and Sara
Zak and Sara

Why can't we say what we're thinking of?

this was going to be a comment on your last post pat, but it kinda just drew itself out to this:

i think that it's who i am at this point. though im not sure what i did or what i did to myself to deserve being miserable. i do try to have a sense of humor about how much life sucks sometimes.

i dont always mean to be an emotionless, amoral bastard. that's just something i can't help. something ive gotten used to. i come to points where i loathe what i am now. like extremely loathe it. like deathwish loathing.

i honestly miss being happy. i think that's what we're meant to do with our lives. find the thing the thing that makes us the happiest. i know what would make me happy again. but i know it's not mine to have. i can't help but think that there are some people who just aren't meant to be happy. and their jobs are to keep the pain and suffering away from everyone else. it just doesn't seem right.

i feel so broken and worthless right now. it'd be great to let it all go, but i know i won't. i don't know what i'm paying for to be like this, but i feel this way anyway. love took it away once, but it just hurt even more when it took a plunge six feet down without me even realizing it. maybe i blame myself for it. i don't know. am i rambling? no, i guess not, it's all connected.

ive done a lot of thinking about this. about my life. it's only the beginning for me. there's still time to be happy, still time to plunge another six feet.

my name is 'trick, i'm gonna show you a trick - gonna play the bass without usin' a pick

if you're ever looking for me, i don't go too far. 'cause if you really wanna find me, you know where i are - with me and my bass guitar.

yeah and this is my brother in a sailor hat and also eating the octoburger

gotta have it

from oldest to youngest, henry's gotten increasingly less smiley over the years.

henry - you wanted to play guitar, right?

Something's so wrong. So very wrong.

There's something wrong with me. I don't know what, but there's something wrong.

I cried for three hours (this is the fourth) today and won't let my mom or my brother get near me. I don't have to look in the mirror to know how imperfect and ugly my face, hair, and body are. I don't want anybody to see me ever again. Ever. Oh, why can't I be pretty and thin? I just want to be, so so badly.

I was bulimic for two days, and then ate normally the next school day. I didn't throw up for another couple of days, but when I looked at the scale and saw that I had lost two pounds, I felt so happy. I wanted to do it myself, without a disease. Now, though, I just want to lose it.

I was going to call Patrick, or Corinne, or Hayden, or somebody and talk to them, but I found myself thinking, "God, who cares about me? I just annoy people. I need too much attention. I don't have any friends. Nobody would care if I died. Nobody thinks about me. Nobody misses me."

Which sounds scarily like Jess was.

I'm not sleeping a lot. I go for days without eating, not on purpose. I'm just not hungry. And then I'll be starving for days. I get so irritable sometimes. I alienate myself. I just want to smoke and drink and sex.

I don't want to tell anybody but my friends about this until I'm thin. I need to be thin before I meet any other people. I made a deal with myself that I won't cut until I'm thin. That's not right.

Oh, God, I'm going crazy.

But crazy people don't know they're crazy.

there's a place in the dark where the animals go, you can take off your skin in the cannibal glow

here is action figure them

here is them


here is them with guitars


here i am, locked and motherfucking loaded for this concert

Choking on Hopes, and Words I Never Wrote, I'll Try to Survive on this Long Night

Hey, we need to talk
As a matter of fact, let’s take a walk
Hear the footsteps echo through my body
All of this to say I’m sorry

I met you
Out of the blue
One more chance
At a fake romance

We finally spoke
Our silence broke
My best friend
Too bad it had to end

We talked forever
Did I make you feel better?
When they took you away
I just walked by to say:

I’m so sorry…for not being there
Next time I swear
I’ll show you I care
Next time I swear

Things have changed
And I just have to complain
That we’re just not the same
Where once was love, now lives pain

I want to go back
Is it too late for that?
I blame myself
Something you can’t help

I’m dead inside
Wondering why I even tried
Telling myself I’ll never cry
Just ignore me…WALK ON BY

I still mean what I said
Something time will not bend
I need to tie up loose ends
I still want to be friends

I’m so sorry…for not being there
Next time I swear
I’ll show you I care
Next time I swear

ME AND CORINNE REARRANGED MY ROOM!

You guys all know what my room looked like PREVIOUSLY, and this is what it looks like now. Oh, and Cori and I will be holding a seminar called "How to Completely Rearrange Your Room in One Afternoon."

Not-so-Fine

MY SOCIAL STUDIES TEACHER HAD HIS ASS FIRED!!!

(Or wet, depending on how you look at it.)

And, look, I have contacts!!!

What's even weirder is that I, and many other people, are getting used to me without glasses.

Shock! Do I actually maybe look prettier without glasses? Today is the first time I talked a lot to the other drummers. Did they talk to me because I look prettier?

I REALLY REALLY wish I had an objective source to tell me if I'm fat, ugly, etc. I just want the goddamm truth, even though it will hurt my feelings.

Ricky hates me, officially. Because I hit him in the penis a few days ago with a stick. I think I'm going to get him one of those "Stop Staring At My Booty" pins because he's so damn conceited. Is he not? He claims he's going to make my life hell. Him and Mike asked me to double-team them. Hahahahah.

Those guys are really funny. I wish I talked to them more and knew them better.

Tell me: A+ with glasses... or without?

objection!

here are some cats:

theskyisfalling

2/10/07 marks the birth of theskyisfalling.

a "post hardcore" band, theskyisfalling is composed of four teens who just love music. each and every aspect and dimension of their music is filled with compassion, love, and emotion. the mission is to connect with the audience through the medium of music. the myspace page will be up and running soon enough.

currently on the debut ep album "ice spiders":

welcome to the black parade (intro) - as made famous by my chemical romance
drop it like it's hot - as made famous by snoop dog
you're so last summer - as made famous by taking back sunday
gay fuel interlude - theskyisfalling
our god is not amused - as made famous by glad
i'm not okay (i promise) - as made famous by my chemical romance
sea melon - theskyisfalling
alive with the glory of henry - as made famous by say anything
trogdor - as made famous by strong bad

members:
Henry - "i messed up the end" - vocals (tongue clicks, owl hoots)
Mike - makin' out with a baby - lead guitar, vocals (little boy hoots)
John - THIRTEEN - guitar, vocals (tongue clicks, THIRTEEN)
Patrick - Protoman - bass, guitar, lead vocals (tongue clicks, owl hoots, NAKED!)

performance dates will be announced soon.

Human Rights Awareness Conference was as kick-ass as Asians!

I went to the Human Rights Awareness Conference with GSA today.

(No wounds necessary, Pat.)

It was so much fun! My first workshop was Homophobia. It was perfect and amazing, an equal combination of funny and touching. It was powerful stuff. After my other two workshops, I actually went back and told all the presenters when it was just me and them how much it meant to me as a questioning team. I mean, I definitely like guys, but I might be bi.

Then I had... ehm... oh, Dating Violence. That was not-so-interesting, but I decided to entertain myself and turned on my acting skills. They passed out brochures called like "When Love Hurts" and sexual abuse brochures, and when they did, I shed a few tears and looked like I was having a hard time.

Is it wrong for me to fuck with people?

Entirely.

My last workshop was really cool. It was called Who Are We, Really? It was about how every human is 99.9% genetically identical, and what that last 0.1% means. I really want to get my DNA tested for ancestry now, to see if I'm something other than European. I mean, I c an't possibly be pure Europe-people, can I?

They had really good peanut butter cookies at lunch. They were really incredibly delicious. Like, no joke.

At the end, Herricks High School's improv group acted out a whole bunch of really funny skits on like prejudice and peer pressure and racism and shit like that. It was hilarious. One senior was really hot. I'd tap that. In one of the skits, the guy is in a movie theatre with his girl pressuring her to have sex with him. She keeps refusing, and he's finally just like, "Fine, we won't have sex. Do you want to play a game, though?" and she's all "Fine, what?" and he's all "It's called Pearl Harbor" and she's all "Isn't that a movie?" and he's like "Well, I'll be the Americans and you be the Japs. Just blow the hell out of me."

It was funny at the time.

"Sheep Go To Heaven" is an intolerant song. Why should goats go to hell? Just because of their species, they're not equal to sheep? WHAT THE FUCK?

I want to create a club called Anti-Adult Domination League, AADL. It sounds like a crime-fighting team, doesn't it?

why do i love this picture so much?

also if someone else doesn't start to post, wounds will open.

M I RITE?

just letting everybody know

we are all going to see this when it comes out.

have you ever unburied buried treasure?

my eyes on the prize
sorry soil falling from my sorrier hands

the long haul has been going well
the cold dirt in your hands reminds you of another night
one spent with people
not spent by your lonesome

there's a flame in front of me and in order to extinguish it, i have to run through to get to the fire extinguisher. the fire is luke on my scorching body. sweat. at the very core of each droplet of distress is concentrated passion for an out of reach prize. said trophy is first place material while i'm at the back of the pack. you channel your integrity into the belief that passing this obstacle will attain you your irrelevant wish. this application is present in everything you do. everything is tainted by a saucy, thick film.

no way to compete if the competition is already over. especially when there is always someone better than you, you should never try. you tried once. you've tasted hope and now that it disgusts you, regurgitate your feelings and hope it gets mopped up by the janitorial spirits. they will consume you if you do not hold it together. no one can see you cry because we are taught to be emotionless. i once felt that i was the only one capable of feeling emotion. nothing yet has convinced me otherwise. in the darkness, the illuminations of the television on my blank, white walls inform me of the errors in my ways. they tell me how i should fix them. i'm obliged to follow.

your eyes are on the prize but you are looking through the wrong kaleidoscope. look and see what your goal should be.

don't let a victim preach to you. don't be impressionable because impressions lead to sick, mixed messages. and those only lead to self-deprivation on so many levels. you'll fall from where you were once sitting pretty into a catacomb. you will get lost and trapped. you wanted to live forever and this is where you will stay.

oh, fortunado. how did you last as long as you did. so blind to the clues. so blind to the obvious. things shrouded your sense of perception and i can relate. we can relate.

there's a storm coming and it will end humanity. there's one thing i want to do before my life ends. how would you feel? how would you feel if you couldn't? if the key that opens up all doors is guarded by a mirror, how can we tell if the key is really there? we rely on faith. because obviously looking at ourselves is no proof of a key. maybe we just don't have an answer so we make one up. and that myth becomes fact over time simply because the children who grew up with their beliefs based firmly on wife’s tails will explain to their children that there is a god and if you don't go to bed this instant, you will break a commandment.

i prefer to think that just mindless praying is a sin - if there are sins. i mean, technically sin has to do with good and evil. and that good and evil can be broken down, also, into morals which are based on opinions. so what's right to me is not always right for another. what i felt was right for me told me i had to leave. breathing. believing. an unexpected expectancy.

your eyes can be on the prize. but sometimes it takes your sidekick to explain to you that there is more to life. never underestimate someone that means a lot to you. i would say that when the shit hits the fan, they will be the ones that will have your back. other times, you have to suck it up. buckle down, get your work done, go to sleep, wake up early, go to work, come home, do work, eat, sleep, rinse and repeat. stop feeling emotions, man. don't do it. it'd be nice to think that being stoic would eliminate sadness. but without a sadness, there is no happiness. and without either, there is emptiness. so by feeling emotions, we take a risk. the goal is to have more positive feelings than negative. when there is an imbalance, you drop everything you are doing and leave this fucking place and delete your messages, and throw out everything, and take only the people that you need with you. you laugh now. but when the times come, you won't know what to do.

I'm Still the Optimist, Though it is Hard, When All Your Want to be is In a Dream

Just to keep the forum/blog going:

What does everyone want out of their lives?

Relay, bitches

Hark! I see a Relay on the horizon...

Since I enjoy the company of the Garage Trolls, enjoy this link, and thus enjoy the Relay in the company of those you love:

http://www.acsevents.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=205659&lis=1&kntae205659=34E3A76D2E7A480288C0B149E12C13C0&team=1780925

Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT give anybody else this link. It's a secret best kept by those who are deemed by worthy by myself and the overlord and, of course, John and Nick.

THE CRUSADE HAS BEGUN

THE SONS OF KORHAL
Prepare to enter the survival horror. The preparations for the crusade has begun. Do not compromise your safety. We will keep you safe. Mobilize while you still can.

enough hogwash

time for a change of pace. and by change of pace, i mean not another post about lyrics.

who else is completely stoked about relay for life?

my guild (a subdivision of our team) for relay for life will be called the Sons of Korhal. those who dare to find themselves worthy of my ragtag team of revolutionists will have to ask permission for entrance. once you are part of the brotherhood, you cannot leave. if you attempt leaving, you will be slain. and your family will be raped.

me: paladin/overlord
henry: ranger
jb: knight
matt: fairy with a small twig (not a reference to his small genitals)

cc: the lady

available slots:
mage

scout

wizard

cleric
anything else that you can come up with that is cool

our goal:
to slay the dragon (mike) by the end of the night

something about this song makes me think

The thin part is feeling so suffered.
This bedroom, a voice, and a mattress.
It says "Don't sleep, don't think, just drink".
You'll find yourself faster when passed out cold.
(Where are you, tonight?)

This is the last time I fear your face;
along with my brother,
they won't hear me say "Where are you, tonight?".
Wrapped up in some bedroom,
screaming for dear sweet you.

The worst part is being so desperate,
this basement, a noose, and a casket.
I want to feel that warmth again,
assurance of you, asleep in my head..
(Where are you, tonight?)

This is the last time I fear your face;
along with my brother,
they won't hear me say "Where are you, tonight?".
Wrapped up in some bedroom,
screaming for dear sweet you.

So why not, end it all in one shot?
With this rope tied in a perfect knot.

Never meant anything, I've ever had.
It won't lose its grip, and stop kissing my neck.

Desperation sets in, holding me close, much like you did.
And every line has a face, a voice that's the same.
My dear sweet impaler... it's all you this time.
It's there to remind me, how much I hate...this...life...

I remember you laughing and leaving,
slamming my door, to the sound of my screaming,
"Don't leave just yet, I didn't mean any of what I just said.
I swear by my wrists that we're better than this;
much more to me than words in a notebook."
You sigh and say "I'm through",
(You sigh and say "I'm through")
And God damn you for breathing, "I love you".
I love you, I love you, I love you.

Dive deep into this drink, hoping to sink, or fall asleep.

Something about this song haunts me...

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

i think the forum would appreciate to know that...

...i am beneficial to this forum in more than one way.

one way is that i am a masterful debater.

in my tournament today, i went undefeated in all of my rounds and placed 2nd out of about 70 other debaters in speaker points. i got a personal trophy and helped attain the overall 1st place trophy for our team. i reigned supreme. fuckin' aces.

i was never a star athlete on any teams when i was young. this debate team is comforting because i'm relied upon. i'm known and i can benefit others. it's involving and it makes me feel wanted. this is a good feeling. it proves i'm worth something. (it's a shame this was the last tournament for the year for me.)

so if you have a dispute with someone over something, involve me and your opponent will end up crying. sweet savory justice will prevail. huzzah!

this cat is playing a ds.

Wow, Hayden... although her mom IS from the south

swedesrockharder: he (Dane) has a hot buttox
Big N 8004: he does
xpalmtreezzox: he does?
swedesrockharder: yes, he does
swedesrockharder: he also has a wondrous penis
Big N 8004: yes, he does
xpalmtreezzox: i think it's extremely unattrative and large.. but ythat's just my opinion.. becausei 'm his sister

What am I, Corinne?

You Should Paint Your Room Purple

Sophisticated and exotic, purple can also be a deeply comforting color. Your purple room will inspire you to trust yourself more and go with your intuition. Purple has also been known to facilitate healing and a feeling of protection.

What Color Should You Paint Your Room?

Online quizzes know everything!

Your Birthdate: November 16

You're incredibly introverted and introspective. You live inside your head. You spend a lot of alone time meditating and thinking. People see you as withdrawn, and at times they are right. You are caring and deep, but it may be difficult for you to show this side of yourself. Your strength: Your original approach to thinking Your weakness: You tend to shy away from others Your power color: Pale blue Your power symbol: Wavy line Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

the illusion of safety

this song is ideal. it makes me go bananas.

i wish all of you were in my room going bananas with me right now.

so i finally figured out what i want to be when i grow up

oh man.


move over secret police.

my cough drop package tells me i have a minor irritation of the throat

i just got home. i've had a sore throat and a wonky ear for most of the day. the only obvious remedy is posting on the-veryvacant-garage. but i'll be damned if these cough drops aren't the tastiest thing i’ve had all day...

good luck on yr midterms, folks.



SICK AND SAD AGAIN SOMETIMES I'D LIKE THE RAIN TO END

The loss of friends you didn't have

Monday - regular classes
Tuesday - off
Wednesday - Earth Science and Global History midterms
Thursday - Math A Regents
Friday - off

To the above, I have one thing to say. MOTHERFUCKING SHIT. Thas all.

Nine Days concert last night was fun with Nick, John, and Mike. We got to meet the band members and get stuff signed. I beat myself up because I didn't have a stick with me to get signed. The singer, though, is such a hottie. Nick found his idol, this definitely-gay guy with great style and bleached hair.

The real reason I'm posting is to say, My goodness. Nobody visits our dear Garage anymore. This is exactly what I feared. Nobody cares about the decrepit, shit-filled Garage, or its inhabitants, a.k.a. The Garage Trolls.

The Garage Trolls are unique. Yes, they are very full of shit, but the shit they are full of can be understood by other Garage Trolls. And, if you dig past the jokes and the lies and the shit, then these Garage Trolls are truly wonderful, sensual beings.

Unless, of course, you're Corinne, at whom I'm slightly angered. She is tons o' fun to be around. We always enjoy ourselves. I never tell her or Alicica anything. Somehow, I've always thought they wouldn't understand.

I was talking to her on the phone today, expressing my depression with careful subtlety. And she makes fun of me: "Mood swings, much?" or "You're so emo." That also happened when I had issues with Ricky or when my heart was wrenched out of my chest and thrown into the path of a herd of FUCKING STAMPEDING ELEPHANTS. (Got a little carried away with that one.)

And it's not just her, either. It seems like some people think I'm sad sometimes for attention. Like my feelings and my pain are all a joke. Maybe it's because for the past five years of my life I haven't felt, or tried not to. And now I've let down my guard. I'm not trying so hard. I'm being more me. I don't care as much.

Maybe it's because I can joke about my feelings. But when I do that, it's really just me hiding my feelings yet again. I'm trying to not feel them and trying to not let people worry about me.

FUCK THIS.

Ooooh, on a different note, I got a credit card! Which I don't think I'm going to use that much, because I'm scared to death of debt.

Find your male/That's your grail.

I love musical theatre, but that doesn't make me gay because I'm a GIRL.

(By the way, give this link to everybody so I can get money for Threadless: http://www.threadless.com/?streetteam=swedishphish.)

titles need not apply

sing with me

could be the best seven minutes of your day

watch.

Your love is like bad medecine, bad medecine is what I need

Three-day weekend. Martin Luther King, Jr., was an amazing guy. Who'll be saying Hail Martins on Monday? I know I will.

Dark blue, dark blue, Alli just died of leukemia.

Did anybody get that?

I feel like I always have problems... and you guys are always the support. I know how it feels to be the rock, the absorber-of-issues, when you never have enough space for your own problems. That was last year I felt like that, but I don't listen to Sophia any more and Jess's issues are now more trivial, so I can pour out my heart to y'all.

Hot diggity.

It's weird, it's like the only people I'm close to who I don't talk to are Alicia and Corinne. I mean, I don't talk to Jess, but she's not one of my biffers. Me and Ali and Cori... see, we're the treddy. And I love them. But somehow, they're... less real? Like they won't get my problems. Whereas you guys seem different, somehow.

I'm worried about Hayden. Yeah, babe, you. For Christmas, she asked for Solos, Uggs, and a Northface. She calls the music I like "emo," doesn't like it, and likes hip-hop-esque music. She uses the terms "retarded" and "gay."

What happened to the Hayden I used to know? The original, funny, creative, one-of-a-kind, confident girl I used to love? Maybe I'm being judgemental and dumb - actually, I know I'm being judgemental and dumb. But I guess I don't want to lose friends again to either of the cloning machines I like to call Long Island and middle school.

Perhaps she likes these styles and that music. Maybe she doesn't get how those words hurt people. But maybe she's a popular girl wannabe, maybe she wants to blend in.

WHO THE FUCK WOULD WANT TO BLEND?

The word "medecine." Is that how you spell it? Because for some reason, I know it's right, but it looks horribly, horribly wrong. It looks British. Like colour and favourite and BOLLOCKS.

I lost a pound.

1 lb.

I still feel terribly fat. I think I have some issues, seeing myself as way more fat than I think I am. A lot of people have told me I'm thin and wonderful, but I see myself as rather... bloated and... pudgy.

Superiority complex.

^^Bad stuff.

Patrick and... Mike? They get that. And if Corinne remembers our CBB conversation, then she does too.

Sometimes I feel so alone.

15 Candles...

Mmm...I'm lame, I know. But since this is supose to also be a record of events and all that, I figured I might as well mark that today was my fifteenth birthday. Hurrah!

::sings the birthday son::

I just had some very tasty cake, so now I'm all full. In case anybody was wondering. AND! I got a new TV for my room...and Glor and Max decided they were going to buy me very girly movies, like that new Cheerleading movie, and Mean Girls. I thought it was kind of funny, actually...

And, while we're on the subject of gifts: CC and Corinne...I'm not not not not not accepting yours. M'kay?

Love you all!

They took a step back, thought about it, what should they do?

Right, since I have to do homework ALL DAY anyway, I thought I'd post up my short story here and see a response! And then take the opposite for Mr. Harrison's response! Because Mr. Harrison is a crackhead! But I like him anyway, so what the hell!

Alice sat on the porch swing. Chips of the peeling white paint rained down on the wooden floor, the only snow Chesterton, Alabama had seen in God-knows-how-long. The honeysuckle that had defiantly and stealthily began to claim the house snaked its way up the elegant railing seeming desperate to reach the frail old woman.
Alice’s body had been falling apart for some time now.
Now it was her mind’s turn.
Fear traveled in currents throughout her body, born from the insanity brewing in the last safe place she had claimed as her own. The house was going to be repossessed; it was no longer safe. Her husband’s arms had long since shriveled away to nothing in his quiet grave; safety couldn’t be found in her marriage.
And now her mind chose to walk this path of insecurity as well.
Alice had known this would happen. George Washington had predicted it without saying a word. His beady black eyes followed her more closely than ever. He stood by the sharp knives, refusing to let her indulge in the cooking she loved so much. And he would not let her leave the house.
She obeyed him and trusted him completely. Within George’s green feathers was love for Alice that nobody, not even her last living grandchildren, could ever duplicate.
For the past weeks she had been worrying and waiting, barely sleeping, rarely eating, living on the frightened beating of her heart. Her terror drove her, a more sustaining life force than any other she had experienced.
And she continued to wait.
It was July 1st. Her days grew short; her face grew haggard; her breath grew heavy. Sooner than she could have hoped, dear Emily would call Max, insisting that they spend the fourth at Alice’s humble home.
‘Humble,’ ‘quaint:’ these were Emily’s words to describe the large falling-down country home Alice’s husband had left to her. The roof sagged, as though one of those planes, streaking through the sky at an altitude Alice could not imagine, had once laid down for a nap on top of the house. The paint peeled, desperate to escape the walls owned by a crazy person.
Alice, too, was desperate to escape.
But until Emily arrived, tugging her anxious cousin by the hand, Alice would stay here and allow her mind to become more impermeable than the vines oozing out of the long grass and wrapping themselves around the house.
Sweet Emily, whose face Alice could not picture.
The last living members of her family did not care for her, this she knew. But they would be here, feeling proud of their compassion towards the spinster. They would check up on her and make sure she was in the best condition one in her position might be expected to be
And they were bringing a friend.
Not Emily’s husband or Max’s boyfriend. A doctor.
And it was the doctor, with his shiny, shiny instruments and long words, that Alice feared the most.
Sitting on the porch half-expectantly, Alice’s muscles rippled with the flight instinct that went deeper than the insanity. She knew something was hunting her, and she wasn’t a fighter.
She was a runner.
The sun’s last rays, deflected by the roof overhead, lit up the long grass surrounding Alice’s country home. Her husband had often praised the Alabama sun, warmer and more comfortable than the sun in any other place in the world.
Alice, trying desperately to conjure up an image of her dear Martin, dead so many years, rose to her unsteady feet. “Martin?” she called feebly as she pulled forward the broken screen door.
“No, just me, darling,” George Washington answered, flying towards her. He perched precariously on her weak shoulder and looked into her murky blue eyes, crooning softly, “Hello.”
“Martin, dear–”
“Not Martin.”
“Yes, you are George. You are George,” Alice reminded herself quietly. “George, Max and Emily are coming to stay. They’re coming with a friend.”
George Washington exploded off her shoulders in a cloud of green and yellow feathers. “Oh, boy!” he shrieked, flapping his unclipped wings around the kitchen, causing more destruction than Alice, even in her unsteady state, could have ever done. Or cleaned up.
Alice’s panic was a quiet panic. She would not act upon it.
Instead, she swore, I shall wait.