Time for a 'thread' as you so call it. Either that, or Pat has violently threatened me to write one 'or else.' What the hell am I supposed to write about?
Er, I fell asleep in math today, or so I'm told. I fall asleep in all my classes or at least get very very tired. I don't know whether it's the way the teachers deliver it or what I end up thinking about during classes. Probably a combination of both.
You see, I end up thinking about all my shortcomings, my mistakes, and my regrets. I don't want to, but there's nothing stopping them from coming in and bouncing off the imaginary walls in my head. I don't even try to focus harder on what the teacher is saying. I take it all. I suppose with all the emotions I get with those memories might really make me tired. I've tried to block out the thoughts, but they're always wearing down what ever defense I can put up. Kinda like that marine game in Starcraft when I play Pat.
Well that's me. Or at least, that's what I put myself through everyday. Sometimes, through all the regrets, I hear "Someone get me out of here! Save me!" going around my head with the rest of those thoughts. It's funny though, no one seems to notice when I'm feeling like this. That just makes that cry for help louder to the point where I want to scream it out to someone. I might have a position on a poker table one day if I'm so impassive.
Sometimes I wish I was normal, or at least, my definition of normal: not cheerful, but cheery, no criticizing monologue that is just waiting for me to mess up somewhere, and that talking would come easier. Pretty much, what I'm not.
I blindly hope now that the days get better. I blindly believe what I hear about everything getting better. It's so much better than believing that "life is a crock of shit" (Timequake). The only time I would do anything blindly, is to blindly hope. Without hope, I don't think there would be any way of getting through the day.
Sorry to anyone who I may depress with this. I don't mean to. I'm just starting to think that it's about time I started to talk to people about my problems rather than just let them wreak havoc on my mentality.
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4 comments:
stoic doesn't mean you can't have a heart.
i understand where yr coming from henry. life's a real bitch sometimes. and don't apologize for posting shit like this. if this forum's only accomplishment ever is that it brought you to open up to people about your problems, then i'd say it was a killer sweet forum.
i think a lot of people have those thoughts and daydreams you touched on. i know i always have mine about the wackiest shit ever. sometimes about the future and sometimes about the past. sometimes about my limitations as a human being but not as a person. oh well. yr not alone in feeling poorly from time to time. i think it’s human nature. you know i'm always around if you need the help.
Poor Henry.
I know how you feel. Or, at least I think I do....I don't know if its the same thing. Sometimes, while in ballet, I will just look at myself and think 'Why am I so much less than Lyssa(teacher)or Heather(Conn)? Why do i have to work so hard at things they accomplished years ago?'
Then, to be the stupid vain person I am, I will think about how little acne I have, compared to certain people ::cough cough::. And I feel slightly better.
lubricating jism
Are you comparing acne and lubricating jism to ME, Miss Corona-Patricia?
(Clever little morph I did there, wasn't it?)
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